Apps like Instagram and TikTok are filled with picture-perfect, flawlessly organized lives. Truthfully, I’m relieved I didn’t have access to those kinds of images while raising three boys — I would’ve either spiraled into deep discouragement or burned out trying to keep up with my Type A personality. I still remember visiting a friend whose only child always looked like he had just stepped out of a detergent commercial — not a speck of dirt on him. Her house? Immaculate. Meanwhile, mine looked like a windstorm had blown through, leaving behind a fine layer of dust on every surface and dirty socks artfully scattered like they were part of the décor. I tried to keep up, really I did! But I refused to rob my boys of the joy of wrestling matches on the living room carpet or overreact when their muddy shoes made a surprise appearance inside. Sure, it was exasperating at times. But they just loved to play in the dirt and sometimes they just forgot! Life was messy — beautifully, boyishly, wonderfully messy.
It reminds me how it’s perfectly Ok to be imperfect—perfectly imperfect! There’s freedom in that phrase. We strive to be accurate and prepared with our very best but there will always be certain elements out of our control. This has happened to me with some tech issues on music and speaking engagements. Stressful! I couldn’t stress about them long, though. I had to get through them and move on. And even learn from them. Today we talk about how imperfections tell a story, how they are used by the famous, the myth of having it all together and how performance is overrated. We find wonderful examples in gemstones and moles.
The Gemstone Lesson
The Imperfect Mole of the Famous
Today is the era of Botox, Juvéderm and medical lifts and tucks in trying to keep the inevitable aging of our bodies from happening too fast. I will give you a big clue here. Aging will keep happening and I find nothing wrong with using some of these methods to slow down the inevitable but it’s also OK to show a few lines of wisdom. We’ve earned them!
My beautiful mother, who always dressed nicely and put on makeup most every day, focused more on instilling life skills and personal habits than holding back the passing of time. Her beauty always shone through. I’d walk in early in the morning and she was either exercising or spending time with a brief devotional in the quiet of her bedroom.
The actress Marilyn Monroe famously embraced her small facial mole just above her lip. That "imperfection" became one of her most iconic features and even sparked a trend, with many women using eyeliner to draw on their own "beauty mark."
"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."
—Marilyn Monroe
(Source: “Marilyn: Her Life in Her Own Words” by George Barris, the photographer who interviewed her shortly before her death.)
By the time we hit our 40s and 50s, many of us have built families, careers, and communities. We've also collected our fair share of disappointments and unmet expectations. We often look in the mirror and wonder, "Is this it? Did I miss something?" Or worse, "Did I mess it all up?" But here’s the truth: perfection was never the goal. Growth, wisdom, and authenticity were. Marilyn Monroe decided to be authentic and started a trend!
The Myth of Having it All Together
The myth of "having it all together" is one of the most persistent illusions we chase—especially in midlife and halftime of life. From the outside, it can look like everyone else has their act together: thriving careers, beautifully organized homes, Pinterest-worthy family dinners, and emotionally balanced relationships. But more often than not, that polished exterior is hiding a whole lot of chaos, self-doubt, and takeout containers just outside the camera frame. It reminds me of the friend who invited us to dinner. Her house was incredibly clean. But when she opened up the oven, it was packed with dirty dishes from the week. That actually made me feel better!
The pressure to keep up this image of perfection can be exhausting—and totally unrealistic. Life doesn’t come with a tidy bow or a how-to manual. It’s full of messy moments, unexpected detours, and seasons where the laundry never ends and the to-do list mocks you. Comparison is one of the quickest ways to rob ourselves of joy and contentment. When we constantly measure our lives against someone else’s highlight reel, we end up feeling less than—like we’re behind, broken, or just not enough. This is especially sneaky when we face our own life changes, when social media feeds us curated snapshots of other people’s successes, vacations, and seemingly perfect families. I will never forget the feeling I got from a neighbor who talked endlessly of her kid’s accomplishments. Meanwhile, I was prodding our son to at least turn in his history homework.
But comparison rarely accounts for the full story. It overlooks the challenges others face behind the scenes and minimizes the value of our own unique journey. When we get caught in the trap of comparing, we forget that our pace, purpose, and path are designed specifically for us—and that’s where the real beauty lies. It’s in the journey!
Performance is Overrated
For Gen Xers and those navigating the midpoint of life, it’s time to let go of the illusion. “Having it all together” isn’t a goal—it’s a performance, and frankly, it’s overrated. The more honest we are about the cracks in our lives, the more we create space for real connection, joy, and growth. Embracing imperfection doesn't mean giving up on goals or self-discipline; it means accepting that wholeness—being fully human with all our dents, detours, and wisdom—is far more powerful than maintaining a flawless image. Wholeness brings freedom. Perfection demands performance. And if you're tired of the show, you're not alone.
I have performed a lot of shows, mostly in music. When walking on a stage, even though I aim to be authentic, there’s still a persona and a performance. There’s a script. Keeping up that performance in all areas of life, including our businesses, our families and our relationships is a lot of pressure. What truly sustains and empowers us, especially in the second half of life, is wholeness — the ability to embrace all parts of ourselves: the strong, the struggling, the growing. It gives us the freedom to let go of unrealistic expectations and the burden of constant self-editing. As we age and accumulate wisdom, we begin to understand that our value doesn't lie in flawlessness but in depth, character, and the courage to keep evolving. When we choose wholeness over perfection, we find peace, purpose, resilience, and the power to connect more meaningfully with others — and with ourselves. That’s the kind of life that leaves a legacy.
Application
Imperfections Tell a Story
Embrace your scars and stumbles—just like those gemstones. They are beautiful and the proof that you’ve lived, grown, and overcome.
Imperfections of the Famous
If icons can shine through flaws, so can you—perfection isn’t a prerequisite for impact or for true beauty. Own who you are and your uniqueness.
The Myth of Having It All Together
Drop the act and breathe—no one has it all figured out, and pretending is exhausting. Be careful of the comparison trap.
How Performance is Overrated
Living for applause and accolades will wear you out—live for purpose instead, and contentment and courage will follow.
Additional Resources
If Your Life is a Commercial, What are You Advertising? By Deborah Johnson
How Saying Yes Will Help You Move Forward in Life and Business by Deborah Johnson
Finding Beauty in Chaos by Deborah Johnson
Let go of polish. Embrace the sparkle that comes from being perfectly, beautifully imperfect.
deborah johnson
Thought Leader, Keynote Speaker, Author
If you are interested in growing and learning, check out our online courses here: Online Learning
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